I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
