Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
COCAINE IS GR8
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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