I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
