He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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