I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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