I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
