Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
