You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
