I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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