As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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