ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
