just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize