Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
