Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I want to be your penis for a week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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