True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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