Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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