First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Holy shit dude........stairs
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize