Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
