I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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