Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
