Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
