look no pants
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
