It's like God shit irony all over that family
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
