im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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