Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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