my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
