A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
