the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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