I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize