i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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