I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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