i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
