dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
