i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
