call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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