ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
