So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
