I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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