So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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