Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize