just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
