ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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