this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
