I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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