I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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