So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
