we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I supernannyed him into submission
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
