You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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