my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I could fuck to npr.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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