Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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