I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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