Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
