Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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