The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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