I feel great
I just peed on a car
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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