this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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