so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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