Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
