I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
