his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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