i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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