I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
