At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
