His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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