I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
