yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
