I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
