Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize