Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
