I can tuck mytits in my pants
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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