what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
