so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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