I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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