Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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