well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
