i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize