I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i out mim tonsoeep
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