so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
