I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
