I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
