Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize