So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I came so hard my ears popped.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
