Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
