My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
